When Gen Xers were kids, we thought of grandparents as gray-haired, bespectacled people who liked to sit on rocking chairs on the porch and listen to the radio. They spent some time with us but not in an active way. We sat around while they told stories about when they were young, we helped them make cookies, or they tried to teach us how to be religious. As a Catholic Italian American, my grandma had little bottles of water that she bought from her priest, who had blessed them. When you entered any of the bedrooms, you could dip your finger in the bowl of holy water that was screwed into the wall right next to the light switch and make the sign of the cross. These rituals seemed so normal at the time. But looking back, I think wow, she was so devout, she could’ve been a nun had she not gotten married and had four kids.
I digress. I’m amazed by many of the grandparents of the 21st century. Sit around in rocking chairs? Hell no, many are raising their grandchildren. At least in Appalachian Ohio, there are gobs of older people who are stepping up to the plate when their own children have become addicted to meth and opiates, ended up in prison, or have given up on the babies they birthed. People who have worked hard their whole lives getting up early to drive a truck or sweating over factory and farm labor now arrange their retirement hours to sync with their grandkids’ school schedules. Sometimes, a grandparent is shockingly old and infirm but still tries to attend every sports event of the young person that they’re now responsible for.
In my friend circle, almost no one has grandkids yet, or if they do, they don’t serve as their guardian. This phenomenon seems more common in the blue-collar segment of society. But the amazing thing about it is that these grandmas and grandpas are very often glad to fill the void, not resentful of the situation in which they find themselves. When I’m scanning someone, and an elderly person asks if I have grandkids yet, they always feel a little sorry for me when I say no. They think I’m really missing out. Maybe I’m immature still or have too many hobbies, but I’m perfectly fine with my kids taking their time to have babies, IF they decide to do that.
To be handed one of my grandchildren someday and be told, “You take care of this baby until he can vote!” – that would be a massive ask! When I’m 65, I’ll be used to sleeping seven solid hours a night and won’t especially want to wake up when a kid has a bad dream or wets the bed. At 4 pm, I’ll want to be in a coffee shop with friends or taking a yoga class, not in a line of cars outside a school waiting for my grandkid 180 days a year.
Don’t get me wrong, if I have grandchildren someday, I look forward to spoiling them rotten and want to stay in shape so that I can keep up with them. But I take my hat off to the people who are 100% responsible for their grandkids. For those in the social security check demographic, to forfeit their “golden years” and concentrate on raising their young people full-time takes impressive love and sacrifice.
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